My Heart's Choice
by ElspethBates
Summary: Summary: The War is over, but Remus finds himself fighting a new battle of body and heart. RLNT Oneshot


Disclaimer: Although I may wish I owned Harry Potter, I'm afraid I don't. It all belongs to the lovely and talented Jo Rowling.

Summary: The War is over, but Remus finds himself fighting a new battle of body and heart. RLNT (One-shot)

My Heart's Choice

The major battles were over. A few Death Eaters remained at large, but Aurors were hunting them down. Today was supposed to be one filled with relaxing fun. Tonks, the lady who had unexpectedly become the love of my life, and I had accepted an invitation to the Weasley's for lunch. We planned to meet Harry, Ginny, Ron and Hermione at The Three Broomsticks afterwards, to deliver Molly's care package. It was too heavy to owl.

When we Apparated to the pub, Tonks paused with her hand on the door, glancing over her shoulder with a 'come-hither' look. "Shall we go in, or go find a place to snog?" she teased. As if we hadn't just made love hours before. I laughed and opened the door.

Watching the door for Harry's arrival, I took a moment to wonder at my luck. It was still hard to grasp, that this late in life, I would be so fortunate as to find love. Especially love from such an unlikely source! Nymphadora was so young, so vibrant. She was strong, not just physically, but from within. To my amazement she wanted _me_. At first I had tried to convince myself it was merely infatuation on her part, and that she would get over it. But, to my surprise, she fought to make me let her into my life. I am a lucky man.

I saw Harry and Ginny enter and stood to wave them over to our table. Tonks sniggered as she wondered aloud what excuses they would give for Ron and Hermione being late.

With a smile, I turned to call out a drink order to Rosemerta and. . .

"Hurhhhh..." The pain spasm twisted inward from my extremities, blossoming much like a mushroom cloud in the center of my chest. Darkness clouded my vision, as if a blindfold had been tied around my eyes. I could feel my eyelids were open, but I couldn't see anything at all.

"Remus! Remus!" I heard someone shouting, "Moony! Don't do this! Don't go!"

Go? Go where? Why was the voice giving me such stupid orders when the agony in my chest continued to wrench every bit of breath from my body.

"Professor? Professor Lupin?" a female voice sobbed, "Professor! Hold on! I've floo-ed Madam Pomfrey, she's on the way!"

A cool cloth blotted the sweat from my face. At long last, the tremendous pain began to subside. I gasped for breath cautiously, fearful of another spasm. Rolling to my side, I drew my knees to my much abused chest and whimpered.

"AHhhh!" Another spasm cause me to flail in pain. Bits of light danced in the darkness before my eyes.

"MOONY!" came the voice again. A name floated inward as the second pain began to subside. Harry. It was Harry. "Moony, don't let go!"

Soft footsteps sounded nearby, and a calm female voice issued orders to give her room. A potion was forced between my lips accompanied with an order to drink quickly. I swallowed, hoping for oblivion. Ragged sobs sounded from somewhere, I wondered if it were me crying, although I knew, somehow, it was not I that was crying.

The bits of light dancing in the darkness before my eyes began to gather together into one large beam of bright light. As bright as the light was, it didn't hurt my eyes. The light was welcoming. The pain receded more as I drifted toward it.

There was a shadow wavering in the light, as if someone were walking between the source of the light and myself.

A face swam into view. Shaggy black hair, wire rimmed spectacles, hazel eyes. Hazel? But Harry had green eyes. "Harry?" I whispered.

"No, Moony, not Harry this time old friend," answered a voice I hadn't heard in decades, but one I recognized immediately.

"P-prongs?" I gasped.

"Yes, it's me old man. In spirit, you know, since I'm rather fleshless these days," came the soothing answer from my beloved friend. He would be the one to ease fear and pain with a joke.

"REMUS!" I could hear Harry shouting for me. Didn't he know that his father was here? Didn't he see him too? "Remus, hold on!" he begged.

Hold on? What could he mean?

"Moony, my friend, you have a question to answer," James said comfortingly.

"James?" was all I could whisper. How could he think I could make a decision when my chest felt as though a bomb had exploded there?

"Are you ready?" came the enigmatic question.

Ready? Ready for what? I wondered? I could feel my brow wrinkle in confusion. I couldn't gather the strength to speak.

A gentle laugh escaped James, I felt him put his hand over my heart and the pain drifted away. A sigh of relief. A moment of clarity.

"Ready to go with you?" I asked.

"Lily and Padfoot are waiting," he replied with a soothing smile, "but you don't have to come yet, if you aren't ready."

Was I ready? To no longer be inflicted with becoming a monster once a month. That was almost incomprehensible, I'd been a werewolf since I was a child. To never having to worry about survival again? To never again have to fight... To fight! To be beside my best friends son. Harry, who I loved as much as if her were my own. My own! Tonks. My love. Was I ready to leave? I didn't know. How could I choose?

"How long?" I asked. Hoping I could think this over very carefully.

"I'm afraid I can't wait much longer, my friend," James answered, sorrow coloring his tone. "You must decide."

Already! A decision like this needed time! Didn't he realize that?

"Oh, my friend, if you want to stay, we will still be waiting for you when you're ready to come," James told me, understanding why I would waver on this decision. I could tell he wanted me to go with him, but he wouldn't do anything to try to change my mind.

I didn't know how to tell him that I wasn't ready. "I've missed you more than I can tell you," my eyes pleaded with him to understand.

"Tell Harry we watch him, and that we love him," James replied as his features began to blur.

"James!" I tried to shout, but I could feel that it only came out as a gasp.

"No, Moony," came a strained husky voice, as emerald eyes swam into view, "it's Harry."

"Remus!" a female voice pleaded from my other side. Slowly, with great effort, I turned my head. Mousey brown hair and blue eyes that sparkled with tears filled my line of vision.

"I'm here," I whispered. "I'm staying."

I could tell she believed me when those faded brown locks turned shocking pink, making me smile despite the pain.

Finis

_I owe many many thanks to Kerichi for sweetly walking me through the steps to take my idea and turn it into a story! Kudos to you my friend!_

_Please, take a moment and let me know what you think!_


End file.
